Local gay couple featured in film

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Local gay couple featured in film

Movie documents women's struggle with oppression

By Katie E. Leslie, Frederick News-Post (Frederick, Maryland), December 7, 2005

During the past 40 years, the women have lived a quiet life.

They made their home in Fredericksburg, Va., where Ms. Kenny maintained a psychotherapy practice. Ms. Middleton taught at a Fairfax County high school. They were devoted to their church and to the community.

The women didn't hide their relationship, but they didn't advertise that they are gay, either. They simply lived.

But when a Virginia law passed in April 2004 prohibited contracts "purporting to bestow the privileges or obligations of marriage" between people of the same sex, many changes were set in motion for Ms. Kenny and Ms. Middleton, both 67.

"We bought into it for all these years and said we are second-class citizens, and OK, we'll live in the shadows. But too many things happened at once," recalled Ms. Kenny.

The Affirmation of Marriage Act for the Commonwealth of Virginia directly affected the women, because Ms. Kenny was diagnosed with a brain aneurysm in 2001. The threat of the aneurysm bursting scared them, but not just because of its medical implications.

"If it (bursts), she can't come visit me. If I die, she can't inherit my stuff," Ms. Kenny said.

The contracts they created giving Ms. Middleton power of attorney were voided by the new law, Ms. Kenny said.

After 35 years in Fredericksburg, the women made the painful decision to move to Frederick, which appealed to them because of its colleges, arts community and local Unitarian Universalist Church, they said. Ms. Middleton's daughter, granddaughter and sister live nearby in Germantown, as well.

But perhaps most importantly, Maryland doesn't have the same restrictions on contracts between same-sex individuals.

Though they shied away from public attention, their story is now the subject of a popular documentary on how the Affirmation of Marriage Act law affected their lives.

"Barbara and Tibby: A Love Story in the Face of Hate," will be shown at the Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Frederick this Saturday.

Their story

The couple met while high-school students in Salt Lake City, Utah, but lost touch after graduation in 1956. Ms. Middleton went on to marry and have two children -- the expected course for her life as a strict Mormon, she said.

Ms. Kenny ran away from home after high school to pursue a career in commercial and fine art. After living in Los Angeles and Baltimore, she returned to Utah in 1965.

They reconnected through a mutual friend and soon fell in love. But Ms. Middleton was still married.

"I realized I would have to live an inauthentic life and pass as straight, or do the horrific action of divorcing and bringing shame to my family and losing my status in life and in church," Ms. Middleton said.

Despite the obstacles, she chose the latter. The women will celebrate their 40th anniversary in January.

By 1970, she and Ms. Kenny moved, along with Ms. Middleton's son, to Virginia, while her daughter remained in Utah with her father.

There, the women built a life together. They did the normal things a couple does -- bought a house and shared bank accounts and insurance policies. In the absence of marriage, they drafted wills and medical directives, giving each other authority to make medical decisions if the worst happened.

Those measures were voided by the Affirmation of Marriage Act.

"What happened finally is it made me angry," Ms. Middleton said. "It made me stand up and say we ought to have marriage. It made me say we should have same rights. I'm no longer content to say 'thank you that I've not been burned at the stake,'" she said.

Ms. Kenny agreed.

"I'm sick of lying, too," added Ms. Kenny. "You just get by in the shadows."

Taking Action

The women notified their friend Suzanne Moe, a graphic artist in Fredericksburg, of their plans to relocate.

"Just hearing they were leaving and crossing the state lines to safety was really disturbing," said Ms. Moe, who decided to make a documentary about the women to explain the reason for their departure to their Fredericksburg church.

"This was something I had to do," Ms. Moe said. "It's a painful, difficult story when you recognize the oppression Barbara and Tibby experienced."

The documentary first aired to the church community on Dec. 10, 2004. Roughly 200 people went to the viewing, Ms. Moe said.

"Something began happening," Ms. Middleton said.

And the feedback was positive.

Soon, requests for copies of the DVD began pouring in. To date, about 1,200 copies have been sold, according to Ms. Moe.

The video was soon distributed to area churches, where it was seen by the Rev. Roberta Finkelstein, then a minister in Sterling, Va.

The Rev. Finkelstein said she had worked to prevent the law from being passed in Virginia, and was moved by the women's story. She did not know Ms. Middleton and Ms. Kenny at the time, nor could she have known their lives would later intersect in Frederick County.

Starting Over

In April 2005, Ms. Kenny and Ms. Middleton moved into their new home in a Frederick subdivision. Having given up her psychotherapy practice when she left Virginia, Ms. Kenny is in the process of restarting her art career.

Accustomed to the hustle and bustle of a downtown neighborhood, the women said the change of pace has been an adjustment, and it seems like they're starting over.

"The townhouse (in Fredericksburg) just suited us. We loved it there, and now we're in the biggest house we've ever been," Ms. Middleton said.

Ms. Kenny conceded their decision to buy a large home doesn't make the most sense.

"At our age, it's the stupidest thing," she said.

They said they aren't sure if their neighbors realize they are gay.

"They probably think we're too old to be (gay). They'd think we're dear old companions," Ms. Kenny said as the women laughed.

Both religious, the women have found a welcoming community in their new church, the Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Frederick. Leading the church is the Rev. Finkelstein, who first saw the video as a minister in Virginia.

"I brought it with me not knowing they were (here), thinking it would be a good film for everybody to see. And then I met them the first or second week and thought -- this can't be a coincidence," the Rev. Finkelstein said.

She decided she wanted to show the film to the congregation as part of the Unitarian Universalist Association's "Welcoming Congregation Program," geared towards promoting acceptance of people with different sexual orientations.

"The best way to break through prejudice is to tell stories -- people relate to stories," the Rev. Finkelstein said. "This story illustrates so well how to break down (the myth of) the 'homosexual agenda.'"

Ms. Middleton and Ms. Kenny will speak at the showing of the documentary, along with representatives from Equality Maryland and Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays.

The women said they hope the film will dispel misconceptions people might have about gay couples, and that such understanding will lead to legislative change.

"Just as men gave women the right to vote and whites the vote to blacks, the straight community has to give rights to (gays)," said Ms. Kenny.

While same-sex marriages might not happen in their lifetime, the women take joy in the small victories -- when signing the contracts for their new home, they were amazed to read that discrimination based on sexual orientation is prohibited in Frederick County. Such a provision didn't exist in Virginia, they said.

"We applaud Frederick County and Maryland for having the will to say, 'They may not be the majority group, but they are our citizens," Ms. Middleton said.

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